"Tickle me Daddy, tickle me! No, no, stop tickling me!"
In many of my prayers, I ask the Lord to grant me strength for the day. I ask for His wisdom to shepherd my children along the path of righteousness. I need His insight and understanding into their hearts and the ability to discern the under currents swirling around me. Also, not forgetting joy and peace in all situations; that God's light would shine through me and our family. So when I find myself in a situation where my children are continually picking at one another, starving animals because the chores are undone, clothes I asked to be folded, scattered about the floor, cementing breakfast dishes still on the table, and the clock telling me it's almost noon... I think, Lord, we are so far from where I'm striving to be! What is going on?! I can't do this! I am a failure.
My early envisions of being a mother consisted of the fuzzy precious moments holding a sleeping baby while the 3 year old sibling snuggles under my other arm and whispers "I love you". All the while my oldest child clears the table and wipes down the counter, then asks what else he can to serve me! As a homeschooling family my thoughts went something like children pouring over their books, eager for every word and losing sleep at the thought of learning fractions tomorrow. We would work together as a team to accomplish a project and cheer each other on as we build - "Tickle me Daddy, tickle me!"
And for a small fraction of time those beautiful moments do happen. But what I didn't configure or imagine was the in-between stuff to make it happen. AKA, reality! The sleeping baby eventually awakens and stays up all night. The 3 year old who came to snuggle with me was covered in some kind of goo he found and gave the baby a rash. The family project we worked on - maybe it's finished, but now there's permanent marker on the floor, glue on the walls, cut paper strips everywhere and we can't find the table! Plus Dad's coming home for lunch in 10 minutes! AAAHHHH! "No, Daddy, stop tickling me!"
I find that the ebb and flow of parenting and homeschooling can leave me feeling as if the tide just went out and left me with all the broken shells and junk from the water. I feel exposed - my weakness and inabilities laying bare for all to see and pick up. Paul says in 2 Cor 11:30, "If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness." Wow! I don't want to boast of my weakness! I would just rather not have them! But it's in these weaknesses - the "No Daddy, stop tickling me" moments where the Power of Christ is made perfect in me. "For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Cor 12:10) And, that is only accomplished by the Power of God!
Prince Caspian told Aslan that he was not ready to be a king and Aslan replied, "And that is precisely why you ARE ready." (You can see that I've been hanging out with grandkids, can't you?!)
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